redbird247

Getting tired of their crap

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 04:05:39 GMT

Every time something comes up about homosexuality and how to change it my family tries to fix me. I wish they would stop. It is driving me crazy. It proves to me that the degree they care about me is equal to how 'right' I am. I'm really really tired of it. I just wish they would leave me alone about this.

I want to cry but I can't. I want to run screaming but I can't. I don't know what I can do.

Life is hell sometimes

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 05:22:28 GMT

Well I haven't had the greatest day in the world. Yesterday a metal plant blew up here in town so I was up kind of late with that. Well then today my youngest nephew was in a bad wreck. The good thing is that he is alright. Cut up pretty bad and has a concussion but other then that he is alright.

The whole family has decided that he won't be getting another car though. This is his fourth car and he has wrecked the three. He had us scared really bad this time.

I also don't want to go to sleep tonight. I don't want to have any dreams about this or anything like it. I don't think I will be able to stay up though since I know about fall asleep while walking around Wal-Mart. I may get some writing done this way though. I have several stories that I need to work on. Well I will be back later with more news.

Roy

And their off

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 18:22:32 GMT

Well the crazy Christmas shopping has begun for me. I have been trying to figure out how to afford gifts for my family and be able to get to go on a trip to England. Neither is working out that well at the moment. I do have all but one of my gifts paid for though. I just need to figure out what to get for my oldest nephew.

Other then that, things are going great. I'm managing to get caught up in school and get things done. Might I add that I took on way to heavy of a load in what I am learning this year? Well I am anyway.

I'll be back to update later.

yin yang week

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 18:13:02 GMT

It's been a while since I updated this thing. I hope to be able to update more often but I'm not sure if I will.

I had a really great thanksgiving week. It started the Thursday before when I went to the airport to pick up my boyfriend and a friend of ours. We stayed in Tulsa then came down to Muskogee on Friday. We spent the weekend having fun and they took me to dinner, made a cake, and even got me a Hoobastank CD.

We had a great Thanksgiving day. They helped me cook, and we all ate way too much. It was a total blast. I just can't wait till I get to go to England to visit them this spring. I hope to be able to move there this upcoming summer to.

There is a down side though. It now feels really weird with them not being there. No more hugs or kisses for like six months. I am managing to work through it though.

Now onto the bad news. I managed to get myself suspended for two days because of sitting at a table with alcohol on a school trip. I think I am going to start studing the names of mixed drinks and stuff now so that I don't manage to drink something that I don't know is alcohol again. Oh and if you are on a school trip always rat people out.

Roy

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 05:17:41 GMT

Just checking something out.

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 05:28:10 GMT

Well things are going alright. I am doing a lot of things right now. School is crazy cause I am doing a web page, starting to learn the multimedia stuff, and class work. On top of that I am trying to make a long distance relationship work, working two maybe three days a week, and having to try and figure out a way to break the news to my family that I have a boyfriend.

Anyone have any ideas??? I am lost for such things. I need hours, a passport, money, and a plane ticket. Other then crazy life is good though.

Well till next time here is a quiz I took.

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	erotic
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	amazing
Your smile is...	hypnotising
Your love is...	one of a kind

Quiz created with MemeGen!

another quiz thingy

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 23:49:07 GMT

Your horoscope... by spiralinghalo
Name:
Zodiac sign:
You will realize:	homosexuals are gay.
You should avoid:	kicking blind people.
Your new love interest:	Mandy Moore.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 22:05:43 GMT

1. Take your LJ username and replace each letter with the corresponding number (A=1, B=2, etc...).
18+5+4+2+9+18+4+247

2. Add all of the numbers together to create a kind of super number.
307

3. Add the digits of the number together.
10

4. Find the post of this number in your LJ. If you don't have that many posts, add the digits together again.
Post

5. Take the digit you noted in step 3, and count that many words into the post.
to

6. Use the resulting word in a Google Image Search, and select a picture from the first page and post the results for all of us to see!

poem

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 23:08:48 GMT

Feeling so lost and alone
As I walk on my own.
Feeling so out of touch.
Wishing it didn’t hurt so much.

Life here is hell.
This is what I know so well.
This hell that is all I know
Makes life go so slow.

This is my pain alone
For which I can’t atone.
I won’t come crawling to you.
I know our friendship is through.

If only I could hold my tongue,
Leave my song unsung,
But the words are out,
So now I sit and pout.

Dieing inside so slowly.
Dieing inside so lonely.
Too much to take.
Caught in the wake.

I’ll miss you so,
But who is to know.
Wanting to die
Not knowing why.

All you should know.
All I can show.
Is I’m on my own
Lost and alone.

Ar matie

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 03:23:49 GMT

Your LJ Pirate Quest by rachelthedemon
Username
Favorite Color
Age
Your First Mate	whimsicalcharac
Your Cabin Boy/Girl	ravenowl
Your Bodyguard	got_ayr
The Bad Guy/Girl	superman1618
Your Obligatory Love Interest	valentinablood
The Fanservicey One	pjalltheway
Your Coveted Treasure	BEER!
Number of people you kill to get it	69,930
Number of times you get laid afterward	652

Quiz created with MemeGen!

School and so forth

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 19:16:56 GMT

Well school has started back. It is pretty good too. I am taking Business and Computer Technology which is the office end of computers. I take second year in the morning and first year in the afternoon. Yeah I know that is a little backwards. The only bad thing is that I can't talk to my boyfriend now. So yeah welcome to crapsville.

The rest of my life has been weird. I moved out, had to move back, in and found out that my mom lied to me about trying to understand me. So that front is still very not good. That sucks because of the fact that though my mom knows I still can't be myself.

I found out I have a stalker too. I told my sister and brother-in-law about her and they think I should give her a chance. My whole damn family is so far in denial that it isn't even funny. The girl is alright but that is the problem she is a girl. And anyway I already have the perfect boyfriend.

Well I have to get ready for work soon so I will go now.

Something that has been on my mind

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 18:06:10 GMT

Life is many times a hard thing to deal with. For many it only brings pain and for the others they lie.

According to spiritual text lift is to be led in service to others, but religion teaches that you are to lord the strengths that you have gained over people that are less fortunate then you. It seems that this view is becoming only that much more prevalent these days.

The Bible for instance states that you are, “to love thy neighbor as thy self.” Most church goes are too busy looking at what someone else is wearing, or watching to see what they do wrong, to have some reason to gossip about them.

Though I am what I consider a Christian, someone that loves God and believes that Jesus is God’s Son, I do not stand with this idea that we are better then the rest of the world like most I have met. I know that I am not the only one that sees things this way but sometimes I wonder.

What ever happened to the days when people helped each other no matter what? It shouldn’t matter a person’s skin color, religion, sexual preference, gender, or age. We are all in the same boat and it is sinking fast.

Some times I want to jump ship, but then I realize that if I do that I won’t be able to handle this world alone. For that reason I keep holding on and hoping against hope that things get better.

This life isn’t meant to be taken alone. That is why we have partners and friends in it. It is a life that is meant to be faced together but most are too busy pushing each other away.

Life is hard so don’t face it alone. Be the bigger person and find friends to take it on with. We all need each other.

Ok so I am a star wars fan

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 06:48:00 GMT

:: how jedi are you? ::

First post in forever

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 18:14:21 GMT

Things have been both good and bad. I have come out to my mother and she didn't like it much at all. It led me to move out, and until I can find a place to stay I am crashing with a couple of friends, Mike and Sam.

I don't know what I am going to do next though. I have found out that she really does love me. She keeps trying to talk me into moving back in. She is trying to fix me and understand me at the same time. Now can someone explain that one to me. She has showed me that she loves me though.

Well till later.

How things have changed

Sun, 20 Jun 2004 18:49:41 GMT

Things haven't quite been the same for me this week. I went to the Tulsa Diversity Celebration last Saturday. It was pretty cool. I was in the parade and stayed till about 1:45. I headed home after that. When I got home, after getting lost twice, I got online. That is where I made my mistake. I told a friend that I wouldn't make it on that day. Well she was online when I got home so now she thinks I lied to her. So I am pretty sure I just lost one of my closest friends. I guess they were right with they said, "Pride cometh before the fall." I don't feel very proud anymore. Heck I don't feel much more then pain right now.

This will be my last post for some time. I don't want to air any more of my feels for some time nor do I really want to talk about much with anyone. I need to get though this on my own as best I can. Thank you to all my friends who have read this and for being as nice as you have been.

Roy

I need to stop following other people's leads

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 19:30:44 GMT

Eric Forman

What That 70's Show Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The next test and this time it isn't the Power Rangers.

Pirates of the Caribbean!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 05:26:41 GMT

I younked this from Joe nonpurplenitah The rules are copy the text and past it into the comment field. Then you just fill it out.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:

2. Am I loveable?

3. How long have you known me?

4. When and how did we first meet?

5. What was your first impression?

6. Do you still think that way about me now?

7. What do you think my weakness is?

8. Do you think I'll get married?

9. What makes me happy?

10. What makes me sad?

11. What reminds you of me?

12. If you could give me anything what would it be?

13. How well do you know me?

14. When's the last time you saw me?

15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

16. Do you think I could kill someone?

17. Describe me in one word:

18. Do you think our friendship is getting
stronger/weaker/or staying the same?

19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

20. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?"

Pain

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 19:21:56 GMT

Well right now it seems there is only one thing going for me and it is him. Yeah I just told the world in a way. The greatest thing if the world for me is a guy. The rest of my world just seemed to crash around me.

Everything is just so scary at the moment. I don't know what to do or how to do it. I know that I have to find a job that pays more then the one I have right now even if it is something I don't like. I have to come up with a hell of a lot of money. I just don't know how.

I do know that I have someone that I can lean on. He's great, and I really love him. He has been doing everything he can to make me feel better and I'm not sure he knows how much that really means to me, or maybe even how much he really means to me.

Oh and for those of you who are reading this and are trying to figure out part of what I am talking about yeah I'm gay. If you didn't know then you do now. I am not saying his name to protect him so don't even ask.

Roy

Another post at last

Sat, 29 May 2004 16:58:40 GMT

Well things are on the up and up for the most part. My modem got fried a couple of weeks ago though. That is part of the reason I haven't been online.

My relationship is still going pretty strong the only problem is the distance between us. The way I see that as being good though is that this way we are learning more about each other and are not letting the physical aspects get in the way. We are enough alike that it is reassuring considering the fact that we have enough to keep us interested in each other.

Well I have so computer work I need to be doing so I will get off of here. I will update my life a little more after work maybe.

Roy

Got a job

Thu, 13 May 2004 04:18:56 GMT

Well people I finally did it, I got a job. It is so exciting even if it is going to be a hard and fast paced job. I work at a pizza place here in town. It is the only one that i really like the pizza at too.

I am also about finished with school. I should be done about tuesday of next week. I will have to work on it over the weekend too. After that I will be a semi-free man. I still have to figure out a way to move out of my mom's house, but I will manage something.

Well I just wanted to update on the good stuff going on in my life right now. I promise to try and be here more often in the future.

Roy

been a while

Sat, 08 May 2004 02:50:27 GMT

I know it's been a while since I posted but I finally have a bit of a lul in things. My life has been on a pretty good incline. I even might have a job now. I can't wait to find out. I also have been thinking about making a big move.

To top all that off that relationship I was talking about a few weeks ago well it is going good. I would have to say that this is one of the best times in my life.

Well I will go for now. Talk to you all later.

Roy

Well today was fun

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 16:44:23 GMT

Being that it is Friday I am happy since now I will get to sleep in and get some rest. Then there is the fact that I also get to talk to my friends this weekend.

I also worked at Muskogee High School where they are doing that end of the year testing stuff. Unlike when I went to school there it was calm and collected right until the end. I guess they still haven't figured out that teenagers just can't be quiet for as long as they make them for those tests. It was cool though since I saw several kids I know from school and church.

Today I have to work on this wonderful thing called access lists. They are part of networking. They aren't that bad after you start to understand what they are talking about but they are kind of a pain even if they aren't that hard to do.

Well I am about to fall sleep at school mind you so I will let everybody go.

Roy

Oh here is a test I took

Dreams

Wed, 21 Apr 2004 21:30:33 GMT

Last night I managed to have a really cool dream. One of the people that means a lot to me was right by my side in it. It was sweet and so great. We even walked for a while with our arms around each other. It made me happy and in a few ways sad since there is an ocean in the way at the moment.

After the dream it was school time. I got another chapter finished and hope to have all the others done this week too. I have to do them really fast right now since I have to finish by May something'th. It is totally crazy, but I am enjoying it too.

Finally I guess I need to update a few more things. I have really gotten back into writing at the moment. I am working on a story that I'm putting a lot of love into. The main characters are based around me and the person of my dreams which also turns out to be real. (See above for information on that) I want to make it a real as I can and hope that it will be that soon.

Well I will let you all go since I want to write and read some tonight.

Roy

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 12:23:40 GMT

Well this sucks. I am sitting sick and feeling like I am about to pass out but I can't sleep. I hate that. Other then being sick things are pretty good. I have a lot that I want to say but is a little too private for a public journal. It is good news though. Heck it is great news. I just hope now that I don't do anything to screw it up before it even happens.

School is a little crappy at the moment since I am so far behind. It is a good thing that I am planning on going back next year because it doesn't look like I am going to make it all the way. And I was doing great the first half of the year. What is making it even worse is me being sick. Since I am sick I can't go to school and that means that I am even farther behind now. I hate this a whole stinking lot. I want to get finished with this and then move on into the work world.

Ok I just said things are pretty good and then started griping more. Well I will be back later with more because my mom is *($&% at me to go to McDonalds, and I'm the sick one.

Roy

So This is Hell

Tue, 06 Apr 2004 17:18:20 GMT

Well this is play week and I have been published in the paper. I look like a leather clad beach ball. Oh the joy of it all. Other then that it that play is great. I have all three sets of my lines commited to memory and opening night is tomorrow. Oh to top that off I now know how to apply base.

Now on to the news from the hell front. My brother-in-law is now threatening to kill himself so that has left me a nervous wreck. He is not a very rash person to start off with, now add three years of increasing pain to that. Needless to say I was up till after one and now I have an upset stomach.

Now I am at school after staying up all night night and then sleeping till lunch time, note I ate something and now I want to vomit. I want to get something done but I barely have the attention-span to finish this. What a joy it is to have a nervous breakdown just before going to bed.

Well I am finished being a brat and whining so I will now sign out.

Roy